i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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