He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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