Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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