I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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