That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
