Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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