Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
