So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
