Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
