Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
