1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
