birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
