the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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