ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
