you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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