great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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