I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
