that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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