I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
