I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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