just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
