I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
