worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
