Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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