Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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