i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
