I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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