Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
