It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize