I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
