I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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