You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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