Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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