his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't notice because vodka
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize