Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
