It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
