We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
