I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
