Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Call me so I can make it juicy for ya

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(519): View more from Ontario

Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

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(254): View more from Texas

it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

i cant cry in cvs. not again.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car

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