I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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