I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
