omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
