i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
