You made me cry and you don't even care
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
either way he was missing a nipple.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
