And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
