i don't like sucking hair
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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