i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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