somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
