2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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