You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His hands were made for my vagina.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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