I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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