No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
