Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
