Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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