If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Randomize
