gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
