would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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