They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
