That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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