Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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