I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
